Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! This year I am just not in the holiday mood. I think it's because it's been a rough six months, and all I really want to do is have all my family together. I'm really feeling sadness that my Sister and Brother will not be here for the holidays. I'm not exactly sure why I am feeling it this year, the last time that all of us were together was Christmas 1996.
I just remember growing up, that we always had a houseful on Thanksgiving. They may not all have been family, but I loved it. I loved having so many people in our house. I have two favorite Thanksgivings. One was at my Grandmother's house. She had 8 children, and most of them were there with there families. I was just a child but I still remember that dinner. The other was my first, and only, Thanksgiving without my parents. They had moved to Ca from Virginia and I stayed behind. I had broken up with my boyfriend and a friend took me with him to his Granddaddy's house. It was filled with people all having a good time and I really felt welcome. It was exactly what I needed and I won't ever forget that day either.
I had a doctors appointment on Monday with a new doctor. My first doc was getting a little off track. He kept telling me that I should have chronic fatigue syndrome. I don't. And he would. Not. Listen. He had moved away from a diagnosis of Lupus and had even brought up the possibility of Cancer. Now once I heard that I jumped into action. Found someone willing to see me and give me another opinion. There is no indication of cancer and I was told to put that out of my mind.....ummmmm ok, that will be easy.
So the new doc is leaning toward Lupus again. I have more tests to do, this time specialized tests that will have to be sent to LA to run. I'll go back to this new doc right before Christmas, and the old doc.....I don't think I will be seeing him again.
SO as it stands, we still don't know what is going on. There is still pain in my hand, in my knee, ankle and toes. I am really just emotionally drained from all this. I still don't want to go through all the testing, mostly because I am scared to find anything out.
Maybe this is why I really want my family all around me.