Friday, September 08, 2006

I just don't want to do this.

No knitting content. No pictures of swaps that I have received. That will come tomorrow. I promise. Really.

Today is for telling you about my trip to the docs. He asked a million questions, gave me an exam, and looked over my blood work. He is almost positive that I have Lupus. He has ordered 16 blood tests. 16!!! He said they will take about 12 vials of blood. As long as they let me lay down I'll be just fine. I go back the first week in October and will know more then. With all the tests they are going to do, he will know more about me that I do!

The whole Lupus thing really hasn't even sunk in. They have started me on meds already. Just the beginner drug, Plaquinal. He thinks it will make me feel much better. I'm a little concerned about the side effects. It could affect my vision. I kind of like to see :-)

I really just feel like I don't want to do all this. I know that sounds so weird. Even m husband thinks I am a little nuts. I don't want to go back to the doc, I don't want the tests, I DON'T WANT TO BE SICK. I have to much to do. I am too busy. I don't have time for this.

It's kind of like asking me if I want pizza for dinner..... No, I don't. Want to be sick with Lupus? Nope, don't want that either. Let's move on.

Really I just want a hug. A long one. And a good cry. I don't want to hear I am going to be fine. I don't want to hear that people have lived full lives with Lupus. I just DON'T WANT IT! I'm mad. I'm sad. And I am scared.

Tomorrow will be all about knitting. Not that much of that has been going on. My damn hand hurts.

And I will give a proper thank you to my SP8...... but really, she was sent to me. really. Her cards and postcards have made me sit and cry. She understands how I feel and is a wonderful person. More tomorrow! With pictures :-)

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